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ALF

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Released: 1989

Genre: Adventure

Format reviewed: Sega Master System

Publisher: Sega

Developer: Sega of America

Submitted by: Scott Reed

Your Master System turns on and, providing you have an NSTC console anyway, Alf's big penis-nosed image appears, as if screaming towards the heavens an almighty cry of 'NOOOOOOOOOOOOO'. A pose that so accurately reflects people's feelings towards both the show and this pile of sprites and codes. A game so rubbish that one Sega of America employee felt the need to emphasise to Sega 8-bit.com that he tried his hardest to stop its release. But is it really so bad?

*Sigh* I think 'dull' is a better word, perhaps followed by 'as dishwater' and perhaps prefaced by 'badly programmed and'. It's an adventure game with a high-score objective – think Jack the Nipper is all the humour and hit detection was removed and it starred a penis-nosed puppet.

All the usual settings (drawn by a six year old with inner ear problems on an Atari 2600) from the sitcom appear – the family's house, the family's high street, the family's giant underground caves with giant clams. Actually this is my favourite part of the game, it still looks like it was designed by a Atari 2600 with an inner ear problem but you get to beat up bats with the most phallic 'salami' I’ve ever seen. it must be a theme in Alf – make things look like todgers!

Now I think about it, ALF for the Sega Master System is a perfect adaptation of its source material – it's unfunny, badly made, makes no sense with terrible effects and has all the colour, flavour and entertainment value as a Rich Tea Biscuit. But E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial it ain’t, it's a less-crappy game with an ugly space puppet in it.