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Technician Ted

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Released: 1984

Genre: Platformer

Format reviewed: ZX Spectrum

Publisher: Hewson

Developer: Marsden / Cooke

Submitted by: Ian Marks

Miner Willy was a miner, Monty Mole was a mole, Wally Week was a wally and Technician Ted was obviously a Technician. I’m not quite sure what his qualifications were though… he didn’t seem to know what he was doing half the time. He just went from one room to the other, not being able to get to difficult platforms, and ultimately falling off ledges. Well he certainly seemed to behave that way when I was controlling him.

The first thing you noticed about Ted was just how well animated he was. He had a little boiler suit on and his little arms and legs moved superbly… the next thing you noticed about Ted was just how bloody hard the game was. Just getting off the first screen was more difficult than you thought it was going to be. Ted had a horrible habit of stopping dead when he hit a platform, which meant that just getting up to the top of ‘The Factory Gates’ took effort. My goodness though if you thought that was hard, then the next few screens were impossible.

Ted had a floaty jump that made clearing baddies quite hard. Just getting through the ‘Boardroom’ was a task almost beyond me. It required the timing of a Jedi Master to jump over the fire extinguisher. The graphics of the enemies and the backgrounds were creative and clever, and you really wanted to get to the next room to see what new imaginative ideas were on show. Some hope!

It really was a polished game, it felt like a lot of time and effort had been put into this game. It wasn’t just a rip off of Jet Set Willy, it was a similar game, but a beautifully crafted one. But here’s the rub…

Did I like the game…. No I flipping didn’t. Nobody could love Ted and his pedantic jumping. It was so hard as to be impossible. I was (as I’ve previously admitted on this site) not a very good gamer, but even I could usually have a go at a game. Not Ted. No Ted was different. He didn’t want you to see his other screens. He wanted to keep them private. So only the man that wrote it, and super humans could bask in their loveliness. Selfish sod.

Ted’s probably still there in his artistically crafted factory, a modern day health and safety nightmare. To be frank I couldn’t give a monkey’s. I’m not a masochist, and I have no desire to play his game again.