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Wild Woody

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Released: 1995

Genre: Platformer

Format reviewed: Sega CD/Mega CD

Publisher: Sega

Developer: Sega

Submitted by: Scott Reed

When did Spotted Dick stop being funny to you? Has it yet? Do you call it suet pudding to avoid smirking like the child you are? Then feel free to giggle – here we have Wild Woody. The living pencil.

*Holds head in hands for a moment*

I'm almost at a loss as to why this game exists. Not that I'm sad that it does but I just wonder WHY? Why with Alex Kidd, Decap Attack, Psycho Fox, Wonder Boy, Sonic do you want to create an all new character for a failing add-on. And then name him after an a particularly fearsome erection?

And don’t tell me it was an innocent mistake. You cannot name something 'Wild Woody' as anything other than an innuendo.

All in all Wild Woody is an average experience but still one I think you should averagely experience. Wild Woody is the anthropomorphic pencil of a noted explorer. Brought to life by a totem that is subsequently lost and you have to find. Side Scrolling Platformer style.

The level layout is surprisingly imaginative. Surprising in that it seems unimaginative until you realise there's up and down and then things get better designed. The controls really are that unimaginative though. Run, jump, land above character to rub him out. With your arse.

See there is no way there is anything innocent or mistakable in this

The backgrounds land even further from Imaginative-world. The blue skies of the first level look like they were done on MS Paint, with Bucket Fill. But the music is pretty bloody rockin’. It should be too. It’s by Bumblefoot AKA Ron Thal AKA the lead guitarist in the new Guns ‘n’ Roses who’s nowhere near as good as Slash.

Slash. Hmm. It seems we’re doomed relate to penises throughout doesn’t it?

Have you stumbled across a forgotten gem in Sega’s back catalogue. No you’ve stumbled upon a forgotten innuendo. But they’re still a good find. Go ahead – see if you can beat Wild Woody. Boom *tsh*.